In Wait

I allow the chaos to disrobe me

and shred the evidence

of who I once was.

All of my proof of self,

my arguments of worth,

abandon me now.

I am left

naked,

exposed,

confused,

paralyzed.

I scramble for a familiar veil

to throw on

like a favorite shirt

worn to threads,

but there is nothing left.

I wait in the ashes

for what seems like forever

lost and unable to move in any direction.

I am afraid.

I reach out in the dark.

There are others here with me.

It’s a relief to know

how I am not alone.

I listen,

it’s quiet.

I question,

I pray,

I doubt,

I lay down and get close to the earth,

I am humbled,

I cry.

I take in the impossible nature

of the stars,

who dare to exist

in the midst of this mess

and shine none the less,

I breathe in,

I breathe out.

A sliver of unreasonable trust opens up,

my soul stirs,

I ache,

I have longed for this moment

for one thousand years.

Finally,

I am here

to receive this life.

Finally,

I am here.

I have always been here.