The Ground Upon Which I Fall Gives Me the Strength to Rise

Truth be told,

in the midst of this raucous disorientation,

I have traveled into the lonely terrain of hiding and hurting many times.

Within this confusing landscape,

I have felt truly lost, paralyzed and disconnected.

I have come across

the compelling fires of anger and righteous indignation,

and also descended into the canyons of sadness and despair.

Untethered from anything familiar,

my heart has ached with longing for direction.

It has steeped in doubt, and seethed with cynicism.

I have cowered inside on bright blue-sky days

with all the curtains drawn

in fear that the sun on my skin would betray my desperation

and the discrepancy between these two worlds

would be far too much

for me to bare.

I have gone out into the storms and raged with the wind,

and I have plunged my hands into the garden.

I have snapped at my daughter,

blamed it on my husband

and sulked in disgrace about my astonishing edginess

despite the fact that I meditate every damn day.

I have lost patience with myself over and over again.

Many times,

I have collapsed onto the Earth exhausted,

unable to move forward, unwilling to go back.

In these moments of commanding surrender,

crumpled upon the soil and stone,

wrung empty from a tsunami of tears,

laid bare by the wrath of my pain,

fully enwrapped in the arms of the Great Mother,

a tender mercy permeates from within.

She soothes my sense of brokenness

and breathes ease into my lungs.

For a moment I remember

how I have landed on holy ground,

and that every step I have taken in the darkness

has been blessed, has been sacred,

and I am, as I am, whole.

It is here, in the temple of the shadows

that I learn what kindness is

and how forgiveness gives

without asking for anything in return.

It is here upon this hallowed ground

that my inner demons can haunt me no more.

For within this gaze,

my grisly scars become shrines

that generously honor the stories of my wounds,

and I can choose to visit them with a heart full of grace

any time that I need to call forth empathy and compassion.

It is right here upon the ground that I have fallen,

that I find the strength to get back up.

It is here that I pray,

here that I listen,

here that I summon with every ounce of my being

my unbridled spirit to hold me now and carry me through.

It is here where you’ll find me,

whole and broken,

empty and open,

and here where I will always look for you.